This post is dedicated to Dr. Bob &
Nancy. I am forever grateful for the BALANCE you model for me... Thank you
for always being approachable, available and lovable. KB
I
can see why older folks have a hard time with changes in their routines. Of
course, I am referring to the “older folks” I hear about or see who are
challenged by varying degrees of dementia related to Alzheimer’s and/or
Parkinson’s disease. Any change seems disruptive to their
sense of security.
That’s
one thing about being in a service industry that builds a history with people. We
are privy to observe a client’s physical body progress from walking
independently to arriving at our door with care givers who chauffeur and
tenderly assist them with their walkers, and eventually, their wheelchairs. Often
without anyone noticing, our sweet friends migrate from spontaneity into
routine before their time… and we dare to call
it “prime!”
One
morning last week, I had a small dose of this reality as I got up and began my
daily routine. I left the bed and bathroom, turned the grow light on over my
violets, smiled and said, “Good morning,
how are you?” to my kitty, popped open her can of cat food, put on the
coffee, took my morning meds. I settled on the couch for my study and prayer
time followed by making my bed, showering and dressing for the day. Hi-ho,
hi-ho, off to work I went.
Just
the day before, I had returned from an impromptu weekend visit to my daughter’s
house. As I unpacked from my trip, I remembered that as great as it was to see
them and enjoy my grandson’s laughter, antics, and that special way he said, “Come on, GaGa,” it
was equally good to be home and back in my routine again.
I
especially enjoyed our dinner time together, all of us around the same table,
sharing homemade chicken and dumplings that she had made. Well, all of us
except my grandson who took one look and said, “EEE-uoooooooh,
grroooooooooooss!” How does an almost 3 year old know “gross?”
We
all made fond memories as we chatted over our meal. Our conversation jumped
from casual topics to questions about my childhood feelings regarding siblings.
My daughter and son-in-law wanted to know, “What had my parents
done in their parenting methods that I wished they had done differently?” The
fact that they even asked these questions of their family and friends, or of
me, delighted my heart. (One learns a lot when you ask questions, but that is the subject of a
later post.)
I
thought for awhile as we discussed sibling issues and birth order since I was
the typical middle child. In response to their parenting question, I shared a
memory that had taught me, hopefully, the value of parents who are
“approachable,” parents who can be trusted with teenage questions, fears,
dreams and ideas about life as only a teen girl might wonder and imagine…
parents who are not afraid to foster a dialogue about things that might prove uncomfortable
to talk about….parents who are not critical of smart kids who think outside
their family’s box…parents who are willing to abandon their schedules, clocks,
calendars and “to do” lists and be available to simply listen and “be in the
moment.” I am still learning the value of this lesson since I seem to live my
life by those same schedules, clocks and appointment calendars!
A
parent’s response to “when I grow up, I
think I want to be….” can forever impact a kid. I had already won a
scholarship to a piano conservatory and was performing and winning talent shows
in my local community when I made my declaration. Afternoons after school were
filled with homework, but only after an allotted time at the piano. I was
practicing as my mother stood at the kitchen stove stirring a pot and preparing
for dinner time. I noted from my peripheral view that she never took her eyes
from the stove as she spoke “the words.” Yes, it was a time when women’s career
choices were limited to becoming teachers, nurses or secretaries, and that day,
I made a life decision based upon a mother’s insecurities. Not that there’s
anything wrong with education, medicine or administration, but that day, I
abandoned my natural, creative musical bent. I also learned the perils of
spontaneously sharing my heart.
Now,
forty plus years later, I examine the same hands that belonged to the young
lady who dared to dream of performing on a concert stage, and though I see the
aging hands of a grandmother, I can still finger the scales of “do-re-mi,” and
play “chop sticks” and “heart and soul” with gusto. I may forget some little
ditty I just heard on the radio, but Für Elise and Moonlight Sonata will always
remain in my memory’s repertoire!
Nowadays,
my hands tickle the hearts and souls of people whom the Lord chooses. My
response to this calling is listening for His Tuning Fork or perhaps the
Metronome that helps me hear someone’s heart song. Most people are
approachable…only a few are not. I admit there are days when I am
unapproachable and “occupied at the kitchen stove.” But a smile and a question
work just as well for people as it does for felines. “Good morning! How
are you today?” is a simple gesture of kindness, an overture to
influence and engage a person’s world. A soul’s answers are far from a routine if I have
ears to hear!
I
personally am very glad that God Almighty is approachable. I find it comforting
to know I can approach Him at any time, for any reason, with any idea, dream,
doubt, fear, frustration, disappointment or question I have about life. He
wants and invites this communion and I never have to wonder about what He might
have done differently in the circumstances of my life. Good is coming from all of it. He
is, after all, Abba Father, a “Daddy” whose parenting style from beginning to
end is simply LOVE spelled, T-I-M-E…time spent caring for us and pursuing us
even when we are unapproachable, unavailable and unlovable.
Now
you may be asking, “What
does this have to do with routine and spontaneity?” Opposites do attract
and isn’t it just like God to give me what I really need to help me achieve
balance? Like many naturally “stick in the mud” structured and calculated
people, I am a routine lover attracted to the natural adventurous attributes in
others, perhaps as much as they are attracted to the stability of my quiet
life.
Relationship
collaboration at its best is each person knowing his or her natural bent and
finding balance. It is at that crossroads where every relationship negotiates a
compromise in the battle of wills between routine and spontaneity. A life lived
out of balance can be crazy making, exhausting, boring and silent. It’s a
balance found only at the centering place where my vertical relationship with a
holy God meets ALL my horizontal relationships with mankind to transform ME. For
God to change my timid personality, I must exercise and risk peril again!
Balance
is “staying in the present moment” between living lives in the memories of
one’s past and dreams for the future. I am not alone in the safety and comfort
I find in my routine. But self imposed isolation is not the same experience for
some older folks who just get “stuck” in their present moments and find
themselves fed, dressed, and chauffeured around from place to place.
Next time you see someone living life
from their “padded chariot,” take a moment from your busy schedule to approach
them. No matter how uncomfortable the exercise is for you, smile and ask, “How are you today?”
You may be surprised by their answer,
but then again, you learn a lot about a person when you ask questions, and it
will definitely make
your day far from routine…. They
might even sing you their heart song!
